The Christmas Songs XV

‘It’s the most wonderful time of the year’ and we thought we’d celebrate with a nod to the 15 rugby players with the most festive names. And by ‘most festive’, we actually mean the ‘easiest names in which to crowbar a Christmas pun’. Same thing though right?


1. All I want for Christmas is Rodney Ah You – it’s a little known fact that Mariah was actually singing about a 19 1/2 stone New Zealand turned Irish prop.


2. Oh Come All Ye David Paiceful – we’re not sure if the London Irish-man is indeed the ‘faithful’ sort nor do we care.

3. Once in Royal David Wilson’s city – so that would Bath-lehem then. That’s two puns in one. You’re welcome.

4. Rowan Frost-y the Snowman – Frosty by name, Montauban second row behemoth by nature.

5. It’s Christian Day – yeah alright, that’s an easy one. We know.

6. Jingle Bell Rocky Elsom – the song was performed by Lindsay Lohan in 2004 teen comedy Mean Girls, around the time that Elsom was stating his career with the Waratahs. Coincidence? Very much so.

7. Walking in a Peter Winterbottom Wonderland – Huey Lewis recorded a version of the song in 1983, the same year Winterbottom went on his first British and Irish Lions tour to New Zealand. Another total, complete and utter coincidence.

8. Fairy Tale of Chris York – obviously we’re not insinuating that the ex-Quins and Falcons back-rower is a ‘slut on junk’. Nor a ‘cheap lousy faggot’.

9. Little Mitchell Drummond Boy – David Bowie and Bing Crosby sang about the Canterbury scrum-half playing his best … for the infant Jesus. With Mary’s approval of course.

10. Little Saint Nick Evans – pulling the strings like Santa tugging on his reindeers’ reins.

11. Run Run Rudi Wulf – when he doesn’t have a sleigh behind him, the loveable red-nosed reindeer can often be found speeding down the Toulon wing.

Rudi Wulf

12. Jingle Chris Bells – dashing through the centres, on a one horse open sleigh, through the fields we go …

13. All I want for Christmas is my Matt Toomua front teeth – fortunately for the Aussie centre he still has his front teeth in tact.

14. The First Jack Nowell – the baby-faced winger could play Jesus in the Exeter Nativity Play. Geoff Parling already has the beard to play Joseph and Thomas Waldrom would look great as Mary. Ok maybe that’s taking it too far.

15. Santiago (Cordero) Baby – versions of Eartha Kitt’s 1953 extravagant Christmas list have been recorded by everyone from Madonna and Shakira to Kylie Minogue and Taylor Swift. In hindsight though, amongst a ’54 convertible, a yacht and jewellery from Tiffany’s, one item the girls all missed off their list is a muscular rugby player. Their loss.

Coach: I’m Dreaming of a Jake White Christmas – much like he was dreaming of the England coaching role … or not.

Comment below if you can think of any more for the subs bench.


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